I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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