Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
