I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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