Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
