If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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