I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
