i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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