He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize