his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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