There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
