If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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