I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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