If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
