All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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