sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
