you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
