Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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