My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
