Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like eating out sand paper
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
