So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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