I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
