I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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