You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
