if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
