Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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