The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He? As in you personified your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
