TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
