my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
