Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
