The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
