i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
