You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So vagazzling was a success
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
