Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
