I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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