just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
