1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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