she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
