if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
