How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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