just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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