Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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