You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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