i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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