I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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