Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
