Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Alive.
So much puke
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
