Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
