I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
