Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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