Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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