yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
