It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize