the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
