So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
