apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
