So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
