he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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