No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You ruined the universe
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
