yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
