help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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