Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
