Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize