Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
