was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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