what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
