our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
