Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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