I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
