I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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