it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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